A set of guidelines put together by women for men. Oh yes!!!!

A set of guidelines put together by women for men.

1. The toilet seat. You put it up, you can put it down. It isn’t too hard. We think you can handle it. It’s basic physics—What goes up, must come down. You can do it. Put it down.

2. We are always pretty. In your eyes we should be beautiful no matter what time of day. Tell us we are pretty.

3. The fat question. We are never fat. We are always pretty. If we keep asking you, ask us if going for a run together would make us feel better. And then you can see us all hot and sweaty…

4. Shopping. We like to shop, so let us shop. And come with us. We like having someone tell us what looks good and what doesn’t. And don’t tell us you don’t know what looks good. You do. And there just might be something in it for you… maybe a new shirt and a look at us in some hot jeans.

5. We have clothes to look good for you. Don’t tell us we have too many.

6. Shoes are like friends, you can never have too many—that’s a golden rule even you cannot change.

7. We care how we look because we are on your arm. We do it because we care about you. We don’t want to look bad for you.

8. Don’t tell us that we whine about you to our friends. In fact, don’t ever tell us what we do. Ever.

9. Sports aren’t just for guys. Nine times out of ten you are sitting next to an athlete who can probably beat you in a long distance race. So next Sunday when the game is on, ask her to watch it with you, and even if she doesn’t know what is going on, it’s just another chance to snuggle up on the couch with you.

10. PMS isn’t the answer to everything, so don’t just say we are moody because of that. Ask us what is wrong and you might just find out something is really going on, after asking a few times.

11. Yeah, we know. You want to know what is wrong the first time you ask. We’re female. We’re damn close to perfect, but not quite there yet. So hang in there and we eventually will tell you what is going on.

12. We are entitled to one chick flick a month. That’s a rule. And these chick flicks pile up, like gift certificates. So don’t be afraid to ask us if we want to see a movie, you just might enjoy it. And maybe we’ll use this certificate on a movie we both want to see, you’d be surprised if you just gave it a chance.

13. We worry about you because we care about you. Take care of yourself. As cute as you are on pain medication, we don’t want to spend our Sunday afternoons in the emergency room holding your hand. Take care of yourself, simple as that.

14. We just want you to be there for us. Our girlfriends are good for that too, but you’re our best friend and there is no one better to go to that our best friend. We tell you things we would never imagine telling the girls. So be there for us.

15. Remember dates. It isn’t that hard. Get yourself a calendar if you have that much trouble.

16. You think we’re hard to buy gifts for? Try buying for yourself! Everything we think of is “okay” or “nice” but you never give us any further indication. So help us out a little bit or you just might end up with another Led Zeppelin CD, which isn’t that bad of gift come to think of it.

17. You’re not Mr. Fix It. As much as you think you are, you don’t know how to get everywhere, and you can’t fix everything on your own. So ask us for some help sometimes. We might not know everything, but we might have a good time trying to figure it out.

18. “Yes,” “No,” and “Whatever” are not acceptable answers, especially in a fight. Don’t even try to use those, unless you really like seeing us angry. That just hurts us because it makes us feel that we are not worthy of your time, which we do.

19. We’re sorry we cry, but we are just and emotional species. Sorry. There is nothing we can do about it.

20. These rules are written by woman, for man. They are subject to change at any time. No man knows all the rules and never will.

Finally…

21. Remember, man may wear the pants, but woman controls the zipper.

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